I'm the person everyone talks about. I kick my dog, never have anything good to say, always bring gasoline to a fire, always try to one up everyone and I'm a bully. I'm dishonest, I steal, cheat to win and stab my friends in the back (and front for that matter). I conspire to overthrow everything I come across. I steal nice guys' girlfriends from them, park in handicap spaces and spread rumors. I'm devious, caniving and manipulative. I steal candy from babies, plot ways to trick people into giving me money, drugs and sex. I'm cheap. I love Wal-Mart, capitalism and oppresive regimes. I root for the bad guys like Dick Cheney, Ken Lay and other corporate criminals. I crave power, money and status. Despite my high IQ and blessedness in life, I care nothing for the suffering of others and am completely apathetic to so called good causes. I drive an SUV, don't recycle and could care a less about the environment. Other than that I'm a nice guy. Won't you be my friend?
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